Ten Times The Horror!

It seems unnecessarily cruel to me that just as we get older and need our eyes for increased maintenance (spotting gray hairs, applying more and more layers of “natural” looking makeup) – those very eyes fail us. I’ve always used reading glasses, but since hitting forty the whole eye thing has just completely gone to hell. Reading, distance – it doesn’t matter. It’s all a blur. I have a lucky trifecta of stigmatism, amblyopia, and presbyopia. Basically, that means my lazy eyes are a weird shape and now they’re also old.

A while ago I discovered the amazing powers of the 10x mirror. Oh. My. God. This bad boy allows me to see eyebrow hairs before they even grow in. I’m addicted to my 10x mirror. I have seriously considered taking it with me when I travel, even though it would take up half of my carry-on. Honestly – once you go times ten, you’ll never go back again.

The only slight drawback is you start to believe what you see in the mirror is what other people see. You forget that you’re basically looking at things that are magnified in Hubble-like detail. You think every tiny blemish is mutant radioactive size, and your pores look like manhole covers. It’s not true, of course, but seeing your face writ large in the 10x mirror plays tricks on you.

Despite that one minor caveat, I highly recommend the 10x mirror. I believe the key to surviving old age with dignity is to stay well maintained. When they move me into the home, there aren’t many possessions I’ll take with me. Maybe my little frog candle holder, for sentimental reasons, and my journals full of hastily scribbled notes for screenplays (“Sensitive librarian gets caught up in a real life murder! What are the stakes??? Also – should there be vampires?”) The only other thing I will insist on bringing is my 10x mirror. Of course, by then I may need a 15x, or even a 20x mirror. At that point I suppose it’s time to say “Why bother,” but my one big fear of death is not the uncertainty of what comes after – it’s lying in my coffin with unplucked chin hairs. Oh, the horror! It’s my last line of defense against a Grey Gardens-type decline.

Until that day, the 10x mirror is another fantastic tool in my middle-aged arsenal, along with my “days of the week” pill box, and my higher rise jeans with stretch. There’s nothing aging can throw at me that I can’t handle – especially when I can see it plain and clear, and magnified 10 times!

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3 Comments on “Ten Times The Horror!”

  1. Kelli says:

    Thank you! Now, can you recommend a tweezer that will actually grip and hold these mothers on my chin???

  2. Mel Ryane says:

    There’s a travel one! I just saw a woman use it in a college dorm. It sticks on the mirror…got your a name all over it.

  3. editor says:

    mine is a small travel size, with suction cups.
    i’ve never been someone who rubber necks on the 405 at the pile-up on the shoulder that caused the inching traffic for the previous 2 hours (when i used to use the 405, that is). i’m not someone generally filled with prurient curiosity when i hear sirens or smell smoke.
    yet with this horrible little mirror, i do feel like i can’t look away – and the view is a train wreck of sorts.
    i suppose, like you, i do feel that it is more an issue of social responsibility, civic pride, not to pollute the community with my uncensored face, rather than simple vanity. so true, and good point to remember, what you say about recognizing that what i see is not what someone else sees – except maybe my dentist. otherwise it is startling what grows in the split second time it takes for me to look in the regular mirror and then turn my attention to the magnified me in the horrible little one.


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