Genius, Schmenius

Well, the “genius” grants have once again been awarded and I … did not get one.

Listen, I’m sure this year’s recipients are all very worthy and they’re all doing important and incredible things. In an article for, Alex Altman lists some of the accomplishments of the past winners:

“Among their feats: slowing the speed of light (optical physicist Lene Hau, 2001), mapping the human genome (geneticist Eric Lander, 1987), penning acclaimed novels (Cormac McCarthy, 1981; the recently deceased David Foster Wallace, 1997), scheming to save our threatened fisheries (lobsterman Ted Ames, 2005) and solving Fermat’s Last Theorem (mathematician Andrew Wiles, 1997). Seven have nabbed the Nobel Prize, including geneticist Barbara McClintock (1981) and former U.S. poet laureate Joseph Brodsky (1981). Others have won Pulitzers, Fields Medals – the math world’s top honor – and National Book Awards.”

Yeah, that’s all well and good. But what about bringing a little humor to the world? What about putting a smile on someone’s face? Isn’t that important? Listen, I know I haven’t been blogging much lately, but I’ve been busy working on my book, which, when completed, will be very funny and important and, you know, worthwhile and everything.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll never win anything. I should just give up now and take a job at Starbucks. Maybe I just don’t have what it takes. Maybe I have nothing to offer the world, not that the stupid world would recognize my unique, specific talent anyway. I’m sure most of the people who’ve won that silly genius award have felt the exact same way. Let’s see … the article goes on to say:

“If there is a trait linking the members of this brainy pantheon, it may be optimism. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a fellow who’s cynical,” Fanton says. “I’m struck by what good, humble people they are.”

Oh. Um … well … I’d better get back to that book. Which I’m having such a good time writing! And if anyone should care to read it I’m sure they will enjoy it! When I finish it! Which I will! Because I am very optimistic! And not at all cynical!

Your humble blogger,