Rebranding Myself: Semi-Retired

Since everything is about marketing these days, I have decided to go proactive and launch an aggressive campaign targeting consumer perception regarding my current situation. As a result, I am no longer unemployed. I am semi-retired.

There are several immediate benefits to this type of marketing strategy.

As a semi-retired person, I can choose to come out of retirement at any time. This is also known as “making a come back.” [See: Travolta, Britney, the two Coreys.] This is also known as “getting a job.” The subtle change in perception is that, being semi-retired, I am in charge. Which as anyone who believes in having a positive attitude will say is an essential way to look at things, and not at all delusional or a self-defense mechanism against the feeling that I am powerless and falling into the huge dark abyss of despair. Which is something that an unemployed person with a tendency toward cynicism, such as myself, might possibly feel.

So. Semi-retired it is.

As a semi-retired person, I can engage in leisure activities without guilt. For instance, I could totally go golfing every morning. Being an unemployed person, such behavior might viewed as irresponsible, since I should be looking for work every single moment of every single day. But when you are semi-retired, you are expected to golf. It might even be in the rules. I might be required to learn how to golf now, except –

As a semi-retired person, I am also allowed to be a little crotchety and “difficult,” so if I don’t want to learn to golf I don’t have to, because what is this, the Army? and when you’ve lived as long as I have you deserve to have a little peace in your life and I’ll do whatever I want with my own damn time now leave me alone my stories come on in five minutes. If I was unemployed, sitting around watching daytime TV might be considered slothful and indulgent but since I’m semi-retired, I’ve earned it.

Because, as a semi-retired person, I am afforded a sort of respect which an unemployed person is not. Semi-retirement suggests a willing withdrawal from accomplishment, while unemployment suggests bad luck. Much better to be perceived as someone who got in, did what they had to do, and got out early rather than “last hired first fired.”

So, for all these reasons I am now officially “semi-retired.” There are probably other and perhaps better reasons. However, now that I’m semi-retired I can totally take my own damn time figuring stuff out.

Semi-retirement. Rebranding at it’s best!


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