I Can Haz Geritol

I don’t want to sound like a cranky old coot, but sometimes I wish the internet would just go away already.

I think I have done pretty well embracing all the fabulous new technology that’s out there. And not just because it’s part of my job, but because I genuinely enjoy making my life more exciting, less complicated, faster, slower, louder, softer, or whatever the “tech du jour” is promising me will happen. Also, I like being hip. (Or “down with it” as we hip people say.)

But lately I am feeling like all the fabulous new technology out there simply enables me. Because I am a pop culture junkie, and I need to get my info on.

I need to know what LiLo, the Pop Tart and Fed-Ex are doing. I need to know about Pearl, the Chocolate Rain guy (and any and all ensuing parodies), and the dramatic squirrel. I need to know that Michael Scofield is back in prison, but a different one, in a different country, and that it’s the band Feist in that catchy new iPod commercial. I need to know that the familiar-looking actress on HOUSE the other night was Kay Lenz, from the 1974 “hippie” movie, BREEZY (directed by Clint Eastwood!)

Keeping up with it all is a full time job. Plus, I already have a full time job. That’s two full time jobs, and frankly, my goal is to not work at all.

Still, I need to know these things. Why? Because, what if someone, somewhere should make a reference to something in pop culture and I don’t get it? That would make me uninformed. Out of touch. Irrelevant. And possibly – old. Noooooo! Please, ye Gods! Anything but that.

And so I soldier on. Each day I visit the 30-plus blogs I have bookmarked, starting with Pop Candy, one of the most uber of all the pop culture sites. I open every e-mail from Very Short List containing the day’s must-see video or CD or book. I steadfastly track down the details about two and a half year old Zahara Jolie-Pitt’s $1,150 handbag.

And at some point, perhaps, I will collapse, exhausted, on the couch, unable to process one more bit of information. And then, I may briefly consider the thought that perhaps my brain has absorbed everything that it can possibly absorb, and I have, indeed, become old. At that point, I may turn to Rick and say ” I can haz Geritol.”

Actually, I was just reading an article about this very phenomenon on a really cool site the other day …


2 Comments on “I Can Haz Geritol”

  1. Tara, I feel your pain acutely. Ouch. Part of my solution: unsubscribing to some of these blogs and letting my two 13-year-olds fill me in. If you don’t have two 13-year-olds on hand, maybe you could hire a couple.

    On the other hand, one of these same kids recently told me a pop culture fact and then said, “did you already know that? ‘Cause you seem to know everything before we do.” Oh my. Maybe I need to rethink my plan. And anyway I just subscribed to your blog, replacing one of my unsubscriptions.

    It’s hopeless. Good luck to you. The bright side is that if you manage to keep up, you’re exercising your brain and you won’t need to haz Geritol. I’m certainly counting on that benefit, myself.

    Great post!

  2. Kelly Mahan Jaramillo says:

    Oh, I am so glad we are not alone – to find myself really wanting to know what terrible thing Charlie Sheen e-mailed to Denise Richards, and the Jolie-Pitt Split, and Paris Hilton on Letterman……I turn on the computer with the most noble intentions, and it is as if my hand loses all control, my good intentions evaporate with this roaring beast of mental junk-food cravings howling at me and……..the sun is going down, the animals have not been fed, and I cannot put together a coherent sentence.

    I used to get mad at my husband for doing Internet crack, but then one day I looked.

    Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

    See you soon….soon…..soon…..

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